Digging out My Selfish Heart

PureInsight | May 13, 2007

[PureInsight.org] I am quite an
introvert.  I often become very stirred up when I do not do well
or someone points out my shortcomings. As a result, I cannot stay calm
and do not know what my problems are. Recently by reciting the Fa, I
understood what Master said, in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los
Angeles," "Cultivation is a very involved thing, and getting rid of
human attachments is the hardest. Try harder to look inside yourself,
and just look for your own attachments."

I have many deep-rooted and well hidden attachments, such as jealousy,
showing off, zealotry, competitiveness, vanity and others. Why am I
jealous of her? Because she is better than I. Why do I show off?
Because I am better than others, so I broadcast it. Why do I get
excited? Because I have something that others don't. All these notions
wrap around my selfish heart.

Selfishness is a motivating force for ordinary people. Everything is
done for personal interest and that is the principle of the old
universe as well as the standard for an ordinary life. When I became a
cultivator, I came in still carrying a selfish heart. It is my
negligence that I did not pay much attention to my fundamental
attachments. Thus, they stay with me.   I have had a lot of
lust and it is a serious problem.  I had premarital sex with my
present spouse. After I started practicing, the improper sexual acts
have continued at times.  When I realized that it was a shameful
behavior, I agonized about it. Due to my selfishness, I was afraid to
expose my behavior to fellow practitioners.  Now I am using the
website so disclose my shady mind and express my remorse.


When I found many of my attachments resulted from selfishness, I tried
to understand that from the standpoint of the Fa and overcome them. In
this way, I improved. Particularly, as I continue to gain
understanding of the Fa principles, I can truly change. My selfish
notion gets less obvious and my compassion gets more noticeable. 
My gratitude to Master's compassion and tolerance is indescribable.

In "Fa Teaching at the 2007New York Fa Conference," Master said, "Dafa
disciples' personal cultivation and improvement are no longer an issue,
nor is Dafa disciples' achieving Consummation. Right now, one important
thing that needs to be attended to is the matter of how to save more
sentient beings, and it is something Dafa disciples are to accomplish
during their current process of achieving Consummation. This is Dafa
disciples' mission, a duty that cannot be shirked, something that they
must do and must complete."

I can only follow Master's guidance and diligently fulfill my mission of saving more sentient beings to repay Master!

Translated from: http://zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2007/5/5/43671.html

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