PureInsight | June 7, 2013
[PureInsight.org] Having walked through fifteen years of cultivation, and due to regularly performing the three things with great vigor, I have never found the cultivation process painful. In these years of Fa rectification cultivation, Master has helped me see the many attachments existing in me; Master has also gradually pulled these bad things out of me, so I’ve always felt the road of cultivation to be very smooth. Everyday I’m busy doing the three things; it’s very enriching. But although I hadn’t realized it at the time, in reality, for a period of time I wasn’t truly cultivating myself—I was particularly careless about the issue of minding my speech. Today I am writing about this to share as encouragement with fellow practitioners.
I very rarely come into contact with ordinary people, so very few ordinary people’s things are able to move me. Back when I started to clarify the truth, I formed a sisterly companionship with a fellow practitioner. Every day when I went out to promote the three withdrawals [from the CCP], I noticed that this practitioner had a lot of problems. Because I didn’t study the Fa very deeply (when I studied the Fa I usually just went through the motions), it was very hard for me to enlighten to Fa principles. I would worry about the fellow practitioner’s cultivation state, and would often point out her shortcomings, yet it was really hard to move her heart. A lot of what I said was not based on the Fa. As an elderly practitioner, within two years I was left with only 15 teeth in my mouth—nine of which were still healthy. I basically could not eat anything; it was very painful. At first I thought it was caused by the attachment to meat (though this was a factor), but when I dug deeper, I enlightened to it being caused by the problem of not minding my speech. After I realized the problem, I made sure to pay more attention to it, but there were still times I had trouble controlling my words. I repeatedly made this mistake, and each mistake was followed by regret. Even though I made some improvements, I cultivated on and off. Master was worried for me! Master would often give me hints in the right direction, but my stubborn heart still would not wake up.
From 2012 onward I spent every day talking with a foul mouth, and I didn’t think much of it. But the practitioner I was close with would always have complaints about me—most of them originated from conflicts that occurred in group Fa study. I never looked within, my xinxing never went up, and the problems proliferated, giving the old forces’ dark minions and rotten ghosts an excuse—I was even illegally kidnapped by the CCP security forces for a month. After I returned, I dug deep, realizing I tended to look outward and not inward at my xinxing. After I started looking within myself more, there were some improvements, but I was still far from the expectations of a Dafa disciple. Sometimes when the words coming out of my mouth had transpired, I still couldn’t let go in my heart. This was especially true regarding my emotions toward the practitioner I was close with. I didn’t her as a fellow practitioner, but as a relative, and from time to time I would have outbursts of resentful grievances and complaints.
On January 6 this year, my right hand became numb, and my leg and calf stopped working properly—the symptoms of a stroke—but I didn’t worry much about it. At 7 o’clock in the morning when I was practicing the second exercise I all of a sudden felt as though I couldn’t stand up. At the time my righteous thoughts were not strong enough and I called to my son saying my legs were giving out. Afterwards, dripping with sweat, I could not stand any longer. I quickly got into bed and sent forth righteous thoughts for two hours; I pretty much spent the whole day sending righteous thoughts, and I was a lot better at night. The next day I went to group Fa study, and with fellow practitioners strengthening me with righteous thoughts, the false symptoms of a stroke evaporated away. However, severe coughing still continued for half a month. This episode of sickness-karma interference allowed me to more clearly realize the seriousness of cultivation. After a 2012 filled with the tendency of constantly missing words when studying the Fa, at the end of the year my head was not as clearheaded as it was before. Although I’m already 68 years old, I’ve never thought of myself as an elderly practitioner. This is because in the past, I came off as comparatively young in all aspects. But because I didn’t cultivate diligently a lot of old-age symptoms have appeared in me and one can only imagine the distance that now exists between me and fellow practitioners. Fellow practitioners are all gradually getting rid of their last attachments while I’m not truly cultivating myself. I’ve allowed myself to fall under the black hand of the old forces while in a stagnant cultivation state.
I used to be very self-confident; I could see each of my fellow practitioner’s flaws very clearly. The old forces imprinted these things into my mind, thus strengthening my attachment. This time I deeply looked within myself, finding that although I made Dafa the first priority, my cultivation willpower wasn’t resolute. There were still some factors of not believing in Master and not believing in the Fa. Master asks me to cultivate by looking within, so why don’t I cultivate myself by looking within? If you don’t listen to Master’s words, are you still Master’s disciple? If you’re not Master’s disciple then you are not a Dafa disciple, then, can you reach consummation? I’m determined to listen to Master’s words, negate the old force’s persecution, and truly look inward; after I find my attachments I will spend every day sending righteous thoughts to eradicate them.
Master said in “Severing” in Hong Yin II:
“Cultivation is not hard
It’s attachments that are hard to part with.
When will you sever those many attachments?
All know the sea of hardship has no shore.
If your will is not firm,
The hurdles are like mountains.
How will you transcend this mortal life?”
Practitioners must make sure to pay attention to their every thought at all times, and any thought that is found to be unrighteous must be eradicated.
After two stick wake ups from Master and undergoing two physically and mentally crushing tests, I’ve awakened to regret. Although I’m late, in the end I still have to correct myself. Having gone through these two matters I now realize I regularly have to lower myself and listen more to what fellow practitioners have to say, rather than always thinking about how I’m such and such, because what comes out of the mouth is an expression of one’s heart.
In the present time, there are some fellow practitioners who think that doing Dafa work is cultivating. They often talk about how they’ve passed out so many truth clarification materials, or have saved such and such amount of people every day. They rarely talk about matters regarding their xinxing. Some practitioners look down upon other practitioners; what comes out of their mouths is other’s inadequacies and their own goodness. Some practitioners have a very strong notion of protecting self, eating whatever has good nutrition and wearing whatever feels comfortable. When they see other people they will still promote the Fa and urge the three withdrawals, but when it comes to looking within, they can’t do anything about it; they are sleepy when studying the Fa and miss words while reading. Particularly for those fellow practitioners who’ve been affected by the sleep demon for some time, just like for me, the problem is very serious now. Wake up! Meet the standard required for one of Master’s disciples. First, you must believe in Master and believe in the Fa, let go of self, and let go of human attachments. In the midst of total selflessness, cultivate away all kinds of human attachments; cultivating away even a little bit will make a difference. Put down the hand that protects your human attachments and release all the degenerated matter not letting you ascend. Do not let yourself regret, and do not make Master anxious. Make up for wasted time and run to keep up and go home with Master.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/116425